I posted this on FB first, but then I thought it might be a nice palate-cleanser for those of you who are not on FB and really, really did not want to picture me in 1eather pants.  Sorry about that.

You have been warned: Trader Joe’s organic strawberries are TERRIBLE.

I don’t like to buy fruit at Trader Joe’s.  Usually, their apples are mealy, their grapes are old and weeping brown juice, and their bananas are bound together in these fascist little bundles.  (Okay, I admit I am one of those annoying people who break off individual bananas that look good to me instead of buying them in bunches.  But I swear I can tell which bananas have little tarantula footprints on them, and I refuse to buy them.)

But today, I just couldn’t bear one more trip to the produce market and I didn’t want to wait for the weekend farmer’s market.  As any parent knows, each stop one makes on the errand chain exacts a great price.  Each in-and-out of the car involves: ensuring all sippy and snack cups are topped up, portage of said cups, hoisting hefty children in car (often getting kicked in any number of tender spots—yes, women have many tender spots, both north and south), singing “Mama Look a Boo Boo” at full volume to entertain children, then hoisting hefty children out of car (tenders once again tenderized by small kicking feet), keeping track of hefty children and their cups at each errand stop, hoisting hefty children back into car…you get the picture.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  (Your kids may not be hefty but my girls are both 75^th percentile for weight and feel as dense as osmium.) 

Anyway, so today I decided to save myself an extra trip and bought the strawberries at Trader Joe’s.  I should have been tipped off by the fact that they were ORANGE.  Even the seeds looked weird—all pronounced, as if they were tiny little goiters.  I tried one when I got home and it was sour with an undertone of bitter.  Sour with an undertone of sweet is like what you taste when nature has not yet ripened your friendly little berry.  Sour with an undertone of bitter is like what you taste after a night of tequila shooters and bad judgment. 

UGH.  Trader Joe’s has once again lured me in with enticements like seven varieties of all-natural string cheese! and then turned on me with the little orange horrors he calls “Organic Strawberries”.  Friends, do not be fooled.